just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
