Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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