I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
