I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
