I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
