I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
