I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize