not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
