this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
