i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
