He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
