Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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