Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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