I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
