trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
