When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
