I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
