i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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