Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
