Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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