pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I looked at my own cervix.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
What a dumb baby whore.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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