Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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