dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i would one night stand the shit outta him
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
