I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
