we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
