Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
