so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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