How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
too bad you live with your parents still
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
