So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
