someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
