i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Randomize
