when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
