Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
