i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
