Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
