Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
