his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
