I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My breasts were aching with rage.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
