I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Randomize
