I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
