Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
