Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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