I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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