Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
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