I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize