I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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