so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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