I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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