and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
