So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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