My room smells like vodka and shame
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
