I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
