They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
