Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
