I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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