he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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