Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
