saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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