it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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