Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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