he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
