in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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