I'm so fucking centered right now
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
