when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
