Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
