If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
