you mean i was at the winter classic?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize