hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
