We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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