i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
