Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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